Interesting article old but still makes me smile.

The Times 28th January 2003-01-30

Small print
BY HUGO RIFKIND
So crisps have misleading information on their packets? Our correspondent imagines a world where adverts tell the truth

Budget airlines
“PAY MORE than you think you are going to pay! For just £19.99 (plus 17.5 per cent VAT, £40 airport taxes, £25 train tickets, £20 taxi fare and £200 luggage replacement), you can spend hours waiting in a shoddy British regional airport of your choice. For a fraction of the price of a normal air ticket, you can then board a late-running flight to another airport only 200 miles away from some second-rate European city you wouldn’t have dreamed of visiting if you hadn’t wrongly thought it would be cheap. But hurry, offer ends tomorrow (to be replaced by another, identical one the day after).”
Slogan: The journey of a lifetime that takes a lifetime.
Cigarettes
Marlboro Man to be replaced by Malignant Tumour Man. In a fag-burnt poncho and yellowing white Stetson, Malignant Tumour Man explores the wild frontier on a wheezing mule. Malignant Tumour Man was cool for a brief period in his late teens, before succumbing to bad breath, smelly clothes, social ostracism, mouth ulcers, cancer and, ultimately, death.
Slogan: Welcome to melanoma country.
Sports cars
“Ladies! Are you happily married? Yes? Well all that could change. Why not buy your man a Big Red Sports Car™ and watch him have an affair? Fitted with reclining leather seats for increased extra-marital comfort, the BRSC™ is guaranteed to make your husband think that he is wonderfully endowed, but make everybody else think the opposite. (His secretary not included.)”
Slogan: For the man who has everything, but wants a mistress as well.
Cola
“The dentist’s favourite drink. Why have teeth like Britney Spears when you can have teeth like Shane MacGowan? The only soft drink that can turn your placid child into a sugar-fuelled hyperactive screaming nightmare. Cola also cleans spoons, coins and other household metals.”